I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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