Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
