If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
vagina is talking i cant
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
