I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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