You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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