I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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