apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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