she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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