so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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