Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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