I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
