lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
