So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
