Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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