I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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