We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife