She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family