She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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