Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
