Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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