No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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