Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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