Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
