i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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