i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
