If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
