I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
