bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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