did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
