im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
