No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
