Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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