Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
