i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
