I wish my penis had an off switch
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
