Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
