I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
