Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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