can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
