I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
