i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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