She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
