i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
