So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Boobs speak an international language.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
