Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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