Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
