she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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