"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
