I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
