NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
