I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
