U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
