I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
