I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
