I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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