And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
