Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
