o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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