Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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