In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
