Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
