I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
