Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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