I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
