Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
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So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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